Christmas Blues

by Bob Setzer
Here’s a dirty little secret about Christmas: amid all the gala and festivities, the parties and the laughter, the back-slapping and the smiles, a lot of people are sad. Most strive to hide their heaviness of heart, not wishing to impose their grief on others. But deep inside, where only dear friends and God can see, such bereaved souls are nursing a broken heart. And at Christmas, especially, they wonder if it will ever heal.

The first Christmas after the death of a loved one is the hardest. All the familiar rituals are upset by the looming absence: the empty seat at the Christmas table; the missing hug; the aroma of a loved one’s aftershave or perfume, now gone; the poignant realization there is one less gift to give or receive. And the worst part is all this happens when gaiety is at a premium and the culture declares a moratorium on grief.

For others, the burden of grief takes a different form. Some are facing the loss of a marriage and the challenge of waking up on Christmas morning without a familiar presence at one’s side. Others are dreading trying to explain why Santa’s rounds were so skimpy this year, in light of a parent’s unemployment. Still others are hoping against hope their chronic illness will not suck the joy out of the family’s Christmas cheer.

In his moving memoir, Lament for a Son, Nicholas Wolterstorff writes, "Another's tears are salve on our wounds." There is healing power in having one’s grief acknowledged in a deeply feeling way. When Jesus show up at the tomb of our lost brother or loved one, our lost marriage or shattered dream--his face streaked by tears--it helps us feel not so hopeless and alone (John 11:33-35). Most often Jesus shows up at such times in a fellow pilgrim who is not frightened away by our tears, but who loves us enough to share them.

On Sunday night, December 20 at 6 p.m., our church will host a “Christmas Service for Grieving Persons.” This service is open to all; indeed, just about everyone is carrying around a load of grief about something. But this service is especially intended for those who have lost a loved one in the last year, or are facing another kind of crushing loss this Christmas. The service is a simple one, featuring Bible readings, quiet, reflective music, a brief meditation by the pastor, and prayers. The sanctuary is darkened and illuminated by candles, creating a private, intimate setting. There will be no pressure and no embarrassment, just a sanctuary--a safe place--where it is okay to be sad at Christmas.

The wonder of Christmas is not just the angel’s glad shout, “Good News of Great Joy for All People!” The wonder of Christmas is also that in God’s Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, we have an ever present companion and friend is who “acquainted with grief” in a deeply personal way. Some Christmases, that is the best news of all.