Christmas Deep Inside

by Bob Setzer, Jr.

Here’s a dirty little secret about Christmas: amid all the gala and festivities, the parties and the laughter, the back-slapping and the smiles, a lot of people are sad. Most strive to hide their heaviness of heart, not wishing to impose their grief on others. But deep inside, where only a few dear friends and God can see, such bereaved souls are nursing a broken heart. And at Christmas, especially, they wonder if that broken place inside will ever heal.

The first Christmas after the death of a loved one is the hardest. All the familiar rituals are upset by the looming absence: the empty seat at the Christmas table, the missing hug, the once familiar aroma of a loved one’s aftershave or perfume, now gone, the poignant realization there is one less gift to give or receive. And the worst part is all this happens when gaiety is at a premium and the culture declares a moratorium on grief.

Besides bereavement, other kinds of grief can be especially daunting at Christmas. Some are facing the loss of a marriage and the challenge of waking up on Christmas morning without a familiar presence at one’s side. Others are dreading trying to explain why Santa’s rounds were so skimpy this year, given a parent’s unemployment. Still others are hoping against hope their chronic illness will not rob the family of its Christmas cheer.

In his moving memoir, Lament for a Son, Nicholas Wolterstorff writes, "Another's tears are salve on our wounds." There is healing power in having one’s grief acknowledged in a deeply feeling way. When Jesus show up at the tomb of our lost brother or loved one, our lost marriage or shattered dream--his face streaked by tears--we don’t feel quite so hopeless and alone (John 11:33-35). Most often Jesus shows up at such times in a fellow pilgrim who is not frightened away by our tears, but is willing and able share them.

This Sunday night, December 19 at 6 p.m., our church will host a “Christmas Service for Grieving Persons.” This service is open to all but is especially intended for those who lost a loved one in the last year, or are facing another kind of crushing loss at Christmas. The service is a simple one, featuring Bible readings, quiet, reflective music, a brief message, and prayer. The sanctuary is darkened and illuminated by candles, creating a private, intimate setting. There will be no pressure and no embarrassment, just a sanctuary--a safe place--where it is okay to be sad at Christmas.

The wonder of Christmas is not just the angel’s glad shout, “Good News of Great Joy for All People!” The wonder of Christmas is also that in God’s Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, we have an ever present companion and friend is who “acquainted with grief” in a deeply personal way. Some Christmases, that is the best news of all.